But What Is Beauty?
by EpicInTheLibrary
Summary: Kyle never really did have much self esteem.


Kyle never really did have much self esteem. It might be because of all those years of Cartman ridiculing him, or because of that stupid list the girls made back in elementary.

Either way, when the drama teacher starts talking about inner beauty, Kyle immediately feels uncomfortable. She tells them about how no matter what you look like on the outside, you should always let what's on the inside shine. Kyle is shifting nervously in his chair the whole time, stomach churning uncomfortably.

Stan is watching him with a pressured feeling. He knows how Kyle feels; he's his best friend. He wants to rub his hand soothingly up and down Kyle's back, to calm him, but he can't. He sits a row behind him and all the way to the right. Kyle is in the middle of the front, right where the teacher is. Stan also does his best to pay attention to the teacher as he keeps an eye on Kyle.

She starts talking about geodes, and how they can represent a person. On the outside, they are blackened rocks that may not catch the eye of any. But once you see the inside- and she holds up a broken shard of a geode, several people gasping in awe- you can understand the true beauty of the thing.

When Kyle sees the inside of the geode, his stomach stops churning and something sparkles in his eye. He stops shifting in his chair and leans forward. The words she's speaking sink in and he feels better. Stan notices this and visibly relaxes, his shoulders releasing their tension. He leans back and reluctantly feels more at ease.

As the teacher continues, Kyle's mouth gradually curls up slightly more, hinting at a smile. Everything she says lifts him up a little higher, and he allows himself to hope. The sparkle in his eye grows brighter and brighter until there's practically fireworks in his eyes. He forgets all about Cartman and the list and whatever else might have been holding him down and lets a smile grace his lips. It's small, but it's there. Stan notices, and it makes him ecstatically happy. He beams, thanking whatever almighty being that may exist for having the drama teacher give this lesson today.

Once she is done, each student is given their own unbroken geode. Then everyone heads outside to crack them and see the shining beauty inside. Kyle holds onto his geode as if it's his life. His eyes are alight with inspiration and he eagerly follows everyone outside. Stan finds him, still beaming at the lifted spirits of his best friend. Kyle gives him that small smile, his eyes sparkling like the inside of the geodes.

Once it's his turn, he excitedly takes the spike and the hammer into his hands and puts them into position over the rock. He brings the hammer down and watches with shining eyes for the beauty to erupt forth.

And his eyes lose their light. His smile fades. His whole frame appears to fall, shoulders slumping, head hanging. A deep sorrow overcomes him, hopeless and demolishing. All his hope and inspiration is crushed destroyed. A whole new atmosphere drifts and falls over him, enveloping him in despair. Now his eyes are listless and glassy.

The teacher comes over to see what's happening and tells him that oh, he must have gotten a dud, she'll go get him another one, and she runs back into the classroom to grab him a new one.

Stan's smile disappears and he gets such an overwhelming sinking feeling. The hopeless atmosphere surrounding Kyle seems to grab ahold of him and he feels the blissful happiness rush out of him as if someone's pulled the plug on him. He sees the tears well up in his best friend's eyes and his heart silently breaks, and he curses that same almighty being for taking away the happiness from someone who needed it so much so quickly. How could he allow him to take that one geode, out of every other one in the room?

The teacher comes back with another rock and holds it out to Kyle, smiling apologetically. He doesn't take it, his head hanging as he tries to hide his tears. She crouches down and puts it on te ground, cracking it open for him. This time the inside sparkles like stars, but Kyle doesn't seem to notice. Instead he stands up, trembling, and starts to leave, muttering something about having to use the bathroom. Stan immediately gets up and follows, leaving his own geode behind. If the teacher calls for them to come back, he doesn't hear. He just follows Kyle around to the back of the building and then holds him in his arms as he breaks down sobbing.

Kyle clutches into Stan as if for dear life as the chokes and sobs come. He loses his ability to support himself and sinks to the ground, and Stan follows him. He cries over and over again, that it isn't fair, it isn't _fair._

No. It's not fair. Stan silently agrees, cursing the ruthless almighty being. He sits in the ground, his knees folded under him at an awkward angle, holding Kyle as his sobs shake his body. He asks Stan, why is it so hard, so different for him? Why is he so messed up?

Stan's immediate response is, you're not. You're not messed up. There's nothing wrong with you.

This seems to make Kyle sob harder. He buries his face into Stan's shoulder and practically screams, you're just saying that. I'm a mistake and have no place on this Earth. I'm ugly on the outside _and _the inside.

Stan strongly disagrees. You're beautiful, Ky, he says firmly, willing with all his aching heart for him to believe him. He doesn't care if maybe it sounds gay. That doesn't matter at all right now. All he cares about right now is making Kyle feel better, because that's what best friends do.

He runs his hand up and down Kyle's back like he wanted to do earlier in the classroom. He silently screams at the almighty being for making Kyle like this. Isn't he alloewd to have any happiness?

He starts up again, softly, tentatively; says, Ky, that smile you gave me earlier was gorgeous on your face- it belongs there. Can you smile for me, Ky?

Kyle hiccups a breath and cries, and doesn't even lift his head from Stan's shoulder. So Stan begins recounting memories, asking Kyle if he remembers this, or when that happened, or that one time when they did this. Kyle's body shudders and heaves and shakes with his sobs, but with each memory his choked cries grow slightly calmer. Stan pulls his body into his lap, arms still wrapped tightly around him, and begins rocking him gently from side to side as he continues to tell him stories of a faraway land, of their covered up past. Each time he ends a story he says something comforting that he's sure will make him feel at least slightly better, and then goes on with another story.

Eventually Kyle's heartbreaking cries die down to slight whimpers and soft sniffles. He hiccups gently with his arms wrapped around Stan's neck as he's slowly rocked from side to side. Stan keeps speaking, and it's so soothing to Kyle, just hearing his voice go on and on with unwavering spirit and calmness, just a quiet hum wrapped around a caring soul. He closes his eyes and thinks he could go to sleep like this, with those soft arms around him and that warm heartbeat to listen to. He sniffles and hiccups, tightening his hold on Stan's neck.

Stan looks down at Kyle's face, tear-streaked yet peaceful, eyes closed and nose running. He sifts a hand through his pretty red curls, making sure his fingers don't get caught. Kyle hiccups.

Stan says, Ky, your smile is so beautiful. I love it when you smile. Your face just looks so pretty with it on, it makes you look gorgeous. Please, can you just smile one more time? For me?

Kyle opens his eyes and meets Stan's gaze. He doesn't want to smile, doesn't feel like he can. After another moment of looking down on him, Stan leans down and presses his lips softly to his forehead in a gesture of friendship, of kindness, a gesture that shows he cares. And suddenly Kyle is at peace; he doesn't need the rest of the world, and he definitely doesn't need some stupid rock telling him what he's like on the inside. It's moments like this that make life worth living; moments in which he realizes he has a purpose, that he's not some useless piece of garbage made for others more important to shove around. That he actually matters to someone, that he is actually worth something in someone's eyes.

He closes his eyes and relaxes peacefully in Stan's arms, loosening his hold on his neck, resting his head against his shoulder.

And he smiles.


End file.
